What builds durable self-esteem in kids? I read an article from the Boy Scout magazine awhile back.
There are two types of praise: Person praise ("You must be smart at this.") and Process praise ("You must have worked really hard."). Through an experiment, the kids got one type of praise. The person-praise kids chose easier tests (being worried that failure would make them look less smart) and then in the end actually did worse on the same test they got at the beginning. While the process-praise kids chose harder tests throughout and scored better at the end. "Person praise gives you no recipe for facing challenges or recovering from setbacks," psychologist Carol Dweck said. "Process praise is about what you do to be successful, so it's informative." We all love to tell our kids that they are smart, beautiful, and talented, but Dweck says that type of praise is like junk food--tasty but ultimately unsatisfying.
I need to work on my words. We can't hand children self-esteem on a silver platter. We need to give them the tools to manage their own self-esteem, to take on challenges and see them through, to build and maintain their own self-esteem.
Children need constant encouragement. Make sure the compliments help your child realize the value of their EFFORT! Students need to understand that talent is not fixed. The more high-quality effort they put into any activity, the more they will achieve.
